hard decision

Today or tomorrow I have to take a really though decision.
What happened is that I got really thick on Saturday. When we entered into the cinema everything was fine, as usual. But when I got out I kind of felt strange. And it was not due to the film which was so horrible, that one was ok. No it was about my body, I had headache and my legs and back hurt a lot. Later on I started shaking, trembling although it wasn’t freezing due to the fever I got(Schuettelfrost). During the night I woke up every hour and had to go to the toilet. On Sunday the same. Stayed in bed all day long.

Luckily Marie-Louisa, the girl who lives in my house as well is a doctor and she checked me and gave me a receipt for buying medicine.
She thinks that I have a virus or an infection of my stomach. It could also be malaria (well some bloody mosquitos have bitten me in the Amazonians although I used repellent all the time, so it's posible). The doctor though says that it might only be malaria if the fever comes back at Wednesday or Thursday.

And that’s the point now. I’m supposed to go to a national conference from Wednesday (Faci and Chair premeeting) and then from Thursday to Sunday the LDS of AIESEC in Ecuador (Leadership Development Seminar). Fact is that I’m the conference responsible and facilitator.
Furthermore this conference is only been hold because one of my first things that I put through here in Ecuador was having two member recruitments and two SDL.
So what do I do?
My doctor says that it would be totally irresponsible of me going anywhere out of my bed! That I have to recover and get my health back – otherwise this virus or whatever might never get out of my body.
Well I see that point of course, but what about my professional responsibility? What about my role as faci, conference manager and what about all the 50 delegates and my beloved AIESEC in Ecuador? The education of the future leaders!

If I don’t go to the conference and nothing happens, like the fever doesn’t come back and I don’t have to go to hospital or whatever it pisses me off because I didn't go...
If I go and the fever comes it’s all even worse then when I’m looking for a solution beforehand.
I don’t know… IT’S SCREWED ANYWAY

Will go now to the MC meeting – without the permission of my doctor of course – and talk about it with them and see what they say. I’m waiting for the response of my predecessor Cristina if she can stand in for me and I will talk again to Marie-Louisa in the evening.
Like that I will hopefully be able to take the right decision.


Ah yes, just beside – one facilitator from Peru cancelled because she doesn’t have the money for the transport to Ecuador (which she thinks of NOW!) and today the Chair of the conference cancelled as well. So who the f%#@ is telling me that I don’t have to worry??!!!??
Do you see the option for me like that to stay in bed?! I doupt it!!

gopfertorihueresiecheschdasenscheissdasgedsjogarnedverdammtundzugenaeht
HEUL HEUL HEUL